Just because a dial goes up to ten, doesn’t mean you have to put it there. Unless you’re an idiot, obviously. The dummy’s logic is simple and uncomplicated by things like common sense, moderation or physical discomfort: They wouldn’t have put the max setting there if you weren’t supposed to use it.
I’m not ashamed to say that I’m an idiot. All the way to the right, into the red; that’s where I want my settings. I dream of a Spinal Tap world where things might go up to 11.
Being an idiot, my first experience with the Marc Pro “muscle recovery and conditioning device” was somewhat painful. It was probably also very funny for Element.ly’s Jim Merithew, my roommate for a week, who got to enjoy the girlish giggles that the conductive gel elicited and then sit back while I worked my way up the dial. One, like a tickle. Two, a little buzz. By the time I was at four or five, there was a visible twitch in the muscles. Six or seven and those jerks became borderline spasms. Past that, and I was in convulsion territory, limbs flailing about the bed accompanied by a string of colorful expletives, the kind that you only find in my native Dublin. The kind that definitely are not fit for print.
The theory behind all this is pretty revolutionary. Recovery, as we know it, has been a waste of time according to Marc Pro. To properly repair muscles, you need to engage the lymphatic system to remove waste, which means compressing muscles, which means exercising after you’re spent. Not something any of us want to do. The solution, claim Marc Pro, is to stimulate the area with small electrical pulses that require no aerobic effort from the user and create no fatigue.
My first session with the Marc Pro was an intense experience – because of the idiocy already mentioned – but also a transformative one. I’m past being a sceptic. I’m a cynic. I think almost everything is a scam, and even when something is so unequivocally good that I can’t scoff at it, I’m distrustful of the new. But I loved the Marc Pro.
Not right away, admittedly. A bit like coffee or beer, it’s not something that you’re going to like right away. Anyone who has ever had a massage from a proper soigneur will know what I’m talking about – it’s not a pleasant sensation, per se, but you know something good is happening. And after suffering through 40 minutes or so, my legs felt fresher, and the next morning they were better yet. I challenge any cyclist not to be hooked after that.
So, give it some time and you’ll fall for its charms. And then, like the morning’s first espresso or that ice-cold lager after a hard day, before too long you might even wonder how you ever lived without one.
Get a Marc Pro. Visit the Marc Pro site.
